宇聯心理健康志業群

by Irene Chiang

[中文版] 熱鍋上的家庭：一個家庭治療的心路歷程

[Abstract]

“The Family Crucible,” written by Augustus Y. Napier and Carl A. Whitaker, explores the intriguing and complex dynamics among family members and between the therapists and the clients in family therapy. In this book, the authors use real life case scenarios from the engaging account of the Brice’s therapy, along with other personal reflections and explanations on the concept of systems to provide a more thorough understanding of one’s self. In additions, this book also clearly presents that the problems of one person are so deeply intertwined with the problems of this person’s entire family. This paper will discuss the general themes found throughout the book and provide personal reflections for each chapter.

BOOK CRITIQUE: THE FAMILY CRUCIBLE

“The Family Crucible,” written by Augustus Y. Napier and Carl A. Whitaker, provides the authors’ points of view on family therapy with a story that turns out to be a comprehensive case study of the Brice family. The Brice came to therapy originally for their teenage daughter, but as their therapy went on, the authors helped them gradually realize that the core of all the seemingly individual problems were actually the results of the relationship and interaction between both parents, which means that the couple’s marriage was in fact at the heart of the issue.

MAJOR SECTIONS
The Question of Structure

The main theme of the chapter is the issue regarding who should attend the family counseling session. The rest of the family did not take the son Don to the session because they thought that he had nothing to do with the teenage daughter Claudia’s problems. However, the therapists insisted that all of the family members played a part in the seemingly individual problems, and stressed the importance of Don attending the session as well. They told the family that Don was the person who was chosen by the entire family to stay at home, so the family did not have to face their issues. The reason for such a battle for structure was that the family was afraid of exposing their entire world, all the worries, anxieties, histories, and anger. This is also the family’s way to see whether the therapists were prepared enough to help them (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

In this chapter, the authors provide an important concept that it is necessary for all family members to participate in family therapy because regardless their age or personality, they all play a part in the problematic situation. I think that people so often tend to think a person’s problems are only related to what this person does and this person’s reactions toward issues, but the authors, through waiting for one of the Brice to actually begin the session, demonstrated that people should not take such an attitude to blame one family member for all familial conflicts and disputes, because all family members are equally important and contribute to what happens in their family. For a person who is learning family therapy for the first time, it gives me a whole new perspective on looking into a client’s issues and problems.

A Beginning

When Don appeared for the first time, the therapists finally could begin their therapy for the Brice. When David talked about their family issues, he focused on Claudia and it seemed that she was the source of all problems. However, the therapists encouraged Don and Laura to express how they felt about their family disputes and pain, and it appeared that the children were more honest and direct than their parents. During this session, the therapists skillfully shifted the attention from Claudia to the relationship between David and Carolyne (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). They made known that the fundamental issue was actually deeply rooted in the parents, and Claudia was the one who simply cooperated with her parents to keep their relationship triangle working in an established pattern.

Once again, it is inspiring for me that Claudia is the one who was chosen to be the stimulant of her parents’ cool-down marriage. Although the members of this triangle seemed to be tired of endless arguments, they could not help but kept such a pattern going to maximize their conflicts to the point that they needed therapy. The other issue is that it is common for Asian people to disregard statements from children because they consider children too young to understand things, and children have to show respect toward the authority of their parents and elders. However, the therapists here listened to the children and valued their feelings, and I think that this is very essential for family therapists, especially in countries where parental authority is emphasized, to value children’s opinions as well.

Origins

The authors indicate that the Brice has worked hard to change their thoughts about therapy, and that was why they sought family therapy instead of continuing Claudia’s individual therapy in the attempt to make a difference. Next, the authors briefly introduce psychoanalysis and point out fallacious concepts of it. In general, psychoanalysis fouces on an individual’s inner structure, limiting most of the conflicts and difficulties to this individual. However, Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, did not go further to prove that early and later family events all contribute a person’s life. Moreover, a person’s awareness and insight affect this person only slightly when this individual is under tremendous pressure. Therefore, when people seek therapy, they need more than their own awareness and insight (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

From reading this chapter, I could easily feel the stress, fear, and helplessness that Claudia has experienced. She was the family scapegoat who carried all responsibilities for her family problems. If she continued to undergo personal therapy against her own will, she might actually end up in a psychiatry ward, and the real issue, the marital relationship between her parents, might never be appropriately identified, discussed, and improved. Next, this chapter helps me understand the limitation of traditional psychoanalysis and the biased views it provides. In order to help a person, therapists should not only look into the inside of this person, but they also have to put things into perspectives and take into account the person’s family situation. That is why family therapy has become more and more important.

The Concept of the System

This chapter explains the concept of the system and family therapy. Researchers in the 1950s began to discovered that schizophrenic patients were frequently in a situation of double bind, which means they were trapped in two contradictory messages mostly from verbal and non-verbal cues from their mother, and the parents of most schizophrenic patients had prolonged and serious marital problems (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). Therefore, a person’s behavior or reaction is heavily influenced by the complexity of this person’s context, especially the family. When all family members realize that they are all responsible for a member’s problems, they begin to feel anxious (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

In the latter part of this chapter, the authors state that some psychoanalysis-oriented psychiatrists depreciated the notion of counseling the entire family, probably because this has threatened the status of medically controlled psychotherapy (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). In my country Taiwan, medicine is still the major, frequently the only, treatment for curing all mental problems, and many counselors are still stuggling to get recognition from the medical community that non-medical treatments can also help. There are more and more psychiatrists opening their own clinics, but I have not heard of any counselor or therapist having her or his own practice, not to mention family therapists. It is still a long way to go for local counselors and therapists here.

Initiative

In this chapter, the authors explain through their experience with the Brice that it is important for the family to know that they have to take initiative and be willing to work hard, struggle, take actions, and attempt in order to have a successful therapy. This certainly is not an easy task, and family members would often fall back to the pattern of blaming one another. However, it was through the argument and blaming that the authors explored further on the Brice’s conflicts and showed them that the purpose of what they did was actually to keep their sense of security (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). The aggressive reactions were the Brice’s defense mechanism.

It is very couragous for the Brice to bring their conflicts and attacks at home to the therapy session. This is necessary, but at the same time challenging for anyone. Most of us tend to consider that it is not “good” to have conflicts and confusions because they affect the seemingly “peaceful” state we are in. Mr. Whitaker has told Claudia that confusion is the beginning of creativity (Napier and Whitaker, 1978), and confusion was necessary if the Brice wanted to have a new prospect. This was a learning process for the Brice that helped them really be in the situation. I think that it will be more challenging for families in Taiwan to bring their conflicts in front of a non-family member because it is traditionally considered “shameful” to give such an exposure.

The Basic Conflict

Family is a small society with its own structure, social order, rules, leadership, language, lifestyle, and thoughts. Each family has its own unique family dance, and only its members know what is going on within all the steps of their dance (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). In this chapter, the authors introduce common family patterns, and stress the importance of co-therapy. They consider therapy a symbolic experience for parental console, and the relationship of co-therapy the basic tool for therapy (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). They helped the family triangle not to overly involve in one another’s issues, and gradually discovered that the parents have not truly separated from their own parents yet.

I have found out, from reading this chapter, that I was experiencing the “parents have not truly separated from their own parents yet” scenario when I was young. My sister and I learned to play piano because my mother did not have such an opportunity to learn it herself when she was young, and she expected highly toward our academic achievement, especially mine, because her parents had expected the same for her when she was still a student. I remember that she used to talked about how she and her siblings got punished if they did not have good grades, and she would did the same (verbally or physically) if we did not have good grades or disobeyed her rules. My mother konwingly or unknowingly brought her issues with her parents, mostly her father, to us.

Grandmother’s Ghost

In the chapter, the authors take Carolyne’s mother into discussion. According to Carolyne, her mother had a bad temper and was highly picky, and nobody in the family dared to offend her (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). The authors once again demonstrate how family of origin affects a person and her or his own family later in life. Since her parents, especially her mother, were the only ones who modeled the parental thoughts and behaviors, Carolyne naturally took such an attitude toward Claudia in addition to make her daughter act as an communication agent between she and her husband David, meanwhile making herself depressed. Carolyne’s situation clearly shows how parental influence acts upon one person.

Continued from the previous section, my mother made us learn things she could not learn before, and reacted angrily when we did not follow her rules to have good academic performance or when we did things that she considered improper. I used to hate this kind of treatment, but now I realize that she did not do it in purpose; it was a learned behavior. This chapter helps me understand that my mother did not feel pleasure when she scolded us, and whenever she did so, she would somehow recall those unhappy memories between she and her parents (mostly her father). My maternal grandfather’s strictness modeled for my mother the way to treat her children, and more than one issue had prevented her from being as gentle and caring as her mother. Maybe it was partly because that her mother seldom had any say about disciplining children, and it made my mother sense that to act like her father was to have parental authority and power.

Toward Marriage

Transference is the main theme of this chapter. As the authors describe, they started from talking about the couple’s sex life, but this couple soon fought over existing issues again. The therapists gradually made Carolyne realize that she saw her angry husband as her mother when she was young, and they repeated over and over again the scenario of one person being extremely angry and the other weeping. Next, this couple often became each other’s therapist, and it was only when they stopped doing this, they would have a true relationship of a husband and a wife (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

I strongly agree with the authors’ statement that many couples associate with their family of origin in thinking, bring this into their own marriage, and problems occur afterwards. Many people spend a lot of time looking for a person who can “make up” for what they do not have to get married, expecting that person can help them with the “necessary” characteristics and strengthes. When they discover that the issue is not as simple as they originally imagined, they begin to have transference, feel panic, react with anger or anxiety, and become more and more disappointed and depressed. It is like two “half” persons coming together instead of two “whole” people working together to live their lives as constructively as a true couple.

A Partial Resolution

It is common that family members who constitute the source of family problems feel embarrassed and reluctant to go deeper into the core of their problems. As the authors indicate, the Brice have cooperated with one another to prevent the inside story of the couple’s marriage from being exposed, and Claudia once again became the scapegoat responsible for causing conflicts. Because David and Carolyne did not communicate directly with each other for a long time, it was always through issues with Claudia that they communicate with each other. In fact, the entire family was afraid to discuss problems of the parents, and they worked together not to deal with such a controversial issue (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

I have a feeling that people are frequently afraid of changes, even if their current situation does not satisfy them. They try many ways to cope with their problems, formulate a pattern, and closely follow the pattern to obtain a sense of security. Change is good, but it is also risky, especially when people have to expose themselves to make such a change. Therefore, keeping the status quo will be the easiest, not necessarily the most effective, way to cope with the reality. I am currently making a career shift (from something else to counseling). I do not need to expose myself for this change, but it still took me a long period time of consideration to actually make such a move, and sometimes I still wonder if it is worthy. It is through prayer and encouragement from people who care about and help me that I keep going. We surely cannot go through life changes completely alone. We need determination, help, sometimes therapy, and faith.

Releasing

The authors show us once again the positive effect to bring family arguments into therapy sessions. Both the therapists and the family can understand more about what really causes all of the conflicts and learn from the repeated pattern in a neutral setting. Through practice, Carolyne and Claudia established a better communication mode with each other, and after several sessions, the therapists suggested that the Brice not coming to the session temporarily. Although the family members had mixed feelings about this, the authors indicate that their willingness to solve problems was their most precious resource (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

It is the responsibility of therapists to help their clients express their own thoughts and feelings, and model for them the proper way of reaction and interaction. However, therapists should be aware of the temptation of directly telling their clients what to do in order to solve their problems, because it is when the clients truly want to change, the change will then occur. Next, I sense that Carolyne depended on the therapy because she appeared anxious when she heard that the therapy was going to stop temporarily. The underlying problem has not been solved yet.

The Underlying Crisis

According to the authors, creating a scapegoat is not the only solution for a family to deal with their issues. In this chapter, the authors offer another example of a problematic marriage, and explain that extra marital affair is actually the result of the conspiracy between the husband and the wife. When a couple feel trapped in their own marriage, they feel disappointed because they are not able to get what they have desired from each other by transference. Therefore, they agree that one of them seek an outsider to stimulate their deadened relationship (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). Although many problematic marriages end in divorce, divorce itself does not necessary terminate the pain.

I have always been thinking that people seek extra marital affairs because they do not get what they have hoped from their spouse, but I did not take the implication of incest into account until I have read this chapter. Because family of origin play an influential part on how a person behave and interact in a marriage, it is easy for people to bring transference into their own marriage and treat their spouse as their own parent. In order to get away from such contradiction, having an affair provides a solution to keep them from emotional incest. This kind of crsis might lead to the end of a marriage, but it can also become the possibility for further understand and growth, depending on whether the couple are willing to work “together” to seek professional help and honestly face themselves.

Return

After the temporary termination of the therapy, the Brice returned again and Don has become the new scapegoat this time. David and Carolyne could not agree on a seemingly trivial issue, so they used Don to fight against each other (Don also played his part). Once again, this couple was afraid of direct conflicts between each other, and if they continued this pattern of indirect communication, one of the children would always be the scapegoat (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). It is so easy for the family to fall back into their old pattern of the conflict cycle, and this indicates the hesitation of all family members toward really making a difference.

I would feel somehow frustrated when the Brice came back if I were the therapist. Although the family did make some degree of progress based on Claudia’s humor toward Don, the creation of a scapegoat was still the Brice’s way to keep the parental relationship from being out in the open. It is also challenging for therapists to help any family get closer and closer to the core of marital problems without actually telling them what to do. It takes time for therapists to establish a positive relationship with their clients. After that, the clients are able to truly listen to and accept any points of view from their therapist(s).

Hate

It was true, from previous chapters, that Don considered himself as capable as an adult. He did not accept his role as his parents’ son and he looked down on his peers. Later in the session, Mr. Whitaker said that Don’s overconfidence might come from David’s refusal to be a real parent and Carolyne’s dependence upon Don (Napier and Whitaker, 1978), so Don did not play his proper role and became gradually arrogant. When the parents do not act like real parents, it causes confusion and misconception among their children, and it is not surprising that a role reversal occurs.

It is shocking to read the physical conflict between Mr. Whitaker and Don because it is not ethical for therapists to physically fight with their clients. If this happened in more recent years, the Brice would have sued Mr. Whitaker for unethical conduct. However, it was a time when the ethical standard has not become as strict as those in present days, and this fight was a result of circumstances and Mr. Whitaker’s unique personality, creativity, and his emphasis on therapist power. Maybe such a fight was necessary for this particular family because the parents were deeply bothered by their own issues, and they did not model for their children the appropriate parent-child interaction, either.

The Therapeutic Moment

It takes the willingness of both the family and the therapist(s) to work things out in the process of family therapy. However, the family would unknowingly drag the therapist(s) into their own family system, and the therapist(s) would project their own family system upon the family being treated (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). Therefore, co-therapy is very important when conducting family therapy because it provides greater objectivity for the therapists. It takes more than professional techniques to help a family, and when one of the therapists takes actions and delves into the family drama, the other therapist could view the whole situation objectively; together, they model a successful and effective parental relationship (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

Therapists should be aware the possibility of their own countertransference and not bring it into the therapy session, and this is particularly important when the clients are an entire family. People all have their own family dance, and when the therapists witness the similar pattern during a session, this might trigger their own hurtful memories and cause them to react subjectively. I think that co-therapy helps the therapists tremendously by maintaining a state of equilibrium, so both therapists know that they are able to continuously trust and support each other, as well as maintain a space for the human side of themselves when treating a family.

Collision Course

In this chapter, the authors describe the long and painful experience of exposing marital relationship. Carolyne was angry because she considered David did not care about her, and David was equally irritated because he thought that she depended on him too much. Later, they both felt frustrated and disappointed that they were afraid to take more risks. The authors then helped Carolyne to feel the existence of herself so she would not always seek support from David. As the authors indicate, this couple relied their individual happiness and freedom on each other, and both of them felt scared if they have to explore their individual self (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

It is common, from what I have heard and seen, that housewives define their own value by the degree their husband care about and support them, and when this becomes too much a burden for the husband, the typical reaction is avoidance by becoming a workaholic or having an affair. I think that one of the major reasons for such a marital relationship is a result of the social concept that people are defined by their career, and when married women stay home to take care of their entire family, they are frequently labeled “jobless.” People are so used to this kind of misconception and labeling that most of them have overlooked the important role of a housewife, and housewives themselves often rely on their husband and children to define themselves as well. I think that Mr. Whitaker did a very good job to let Carolyne know that she still had herself by asking her to embrace herself. In fact, similar techniques are widely used by dance / movement therapists worldwide nowadays.

Carolyne

Carolyne began to discover herself by doing things that she has never done before. She even visited her parents with a whole new perspective and shared it with the therapists. However, just as Carolyne was getting better and gradually formulating her own identity, David did not seem to be happy. He supported his wife on the surface, but he actually feel threatened deep in his heart, and what a coincidence that he got a job offer from a city across the country (Napier and Whitaker, 1978)! This scenario once again shows the family members’ fear and reluctance toward positive change; thus, the power struggle occurred and even threatened this couple’s marriage. The authors show us that even if the situation might lead to separation, the therapists should accompany this couple and let them experience everything instead of telling them what to do to prevent separation.

Born into a heavily male-dominating culture, my first reaction toward David’s unhappiness and reluctance is that he was afraid to lose control of his wife. When a housewife begins to explore life outside of the family and grow at the same time, her own thoughts, identity, and power emerge and she gradually becomes less easier to be controlled. From my personal experience, a male friend of mine used to complain that his former girlfriend spent much time reading several kinds of newspaper and professional magazines in order to have a better job performance, but I know that they did see each other on a regular basis. Their relationship deteriorated little by little and they eventually broke up. Afterwards, my friend found a new girlfriend, a student at that time, and became satisfied because she did not have to work so she could spent a great deal of time with him. In the case of the Brice, if I were the therapist, it will be essential for me not to presume the reasons for the husband’s reluctance, and truly go deeper into issues such as family of origin.

The Terrible Choice

Divorce is the main theme of this chapter. According to the authors, the current marriage contract contains issues other than the tradition utilitarianism. Nowadays, couples also expect each other to promise on emotional satisfaction, romantic love, friendship, and security. When these needs are not being fulfilled, their expectations fail them and they will make an attempt to improve their relationship; they often become each other’s therapist. However, this is not the right way to deal with their relationship, and slowly divorce becomes a possible and conspired result. The authors then suggest to bring the couple’s families of origin, and even the person that one of the couple is having an affair with, into therapy in order to solve the problem more thoroughly (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

When I took Counseling Women this summer on campus, I heard stories from my classmates the difficulties of divorce, remarrying, and their impact on children. It is challenging enough for family members to deal with all complexities, and even more challenging for the therapist(s) to invite all parties into therapy. From a Christian point of view, it is not morally appropriate to encourage divorce, but as therapists, we cannot deliberately lead the couple toward the direction of staying in their marriage. As the authors explain, we should simply be there for them, let them make their own decision, and continue to work based on their decision about whether to keep their relationship going.

David

The author once again emphasize that the individual is easily controlled by marriage. It is encouraging that many married women pursue personal growth and make their life better than before, but if they do not receive support and cooperation from their husband and children, they will suffer from profound pain and guilty conscience, and possibly pay the price of divorce. Moreover, the real enemy is not the spouse, but the individual’s inner self, the self-created limitation originated from the family of origin (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). In the latter part of this chapter, David finally discussed his own issue, and the therapists made a decision to invite his family of origin to participate in therapy.

I have personally experienced a similar situation, although not as a married person, that I transformed my feelings about a minor issue at home into displaced anger and put it upon an innocent third party. I was seeing a man at that time, and there was an evening when he invited me for dinner. I wanted to go with him, but later recalled that I have told my father to have dinner with him before this man invited me. I was afraid that my father would get angry if I suddenly changed my plan, and also I knew that this man would joke about I put much more importance for my father instead of him; I did not know what to do. Later, I said angrily to this man that they have always put me into a dilemma, and we decided that I had dinner with my father. This man was deeply hurt, and the reason was that I brought my own family issue into our relationship and made him the innocent outsider who took the blame. Therefore, I highly value the therapists’ decision for the Brice to invite David’s family or origin into therapy.

David’s Family

In this chapter, the authors explain how the relationship of the previous generation affects the marital relationship of their children. David’s parents and sister were invited to the therapy, and the elder couple soon discovered that they needed to work on their own relationship. As most cases, the wife was the one who deeply felt loneliness and suffering, and the husband, on the other hand, did not know the pain of his wife. The therapists suggested that if David’s entire family of origin bravely took actions to have a closer relationship with one another, this could become a model for David and Carolyne to improve their own relationship, because David’s parents had long preset the mechanism that controlled the way he responded to his own family relationship before this elder couple even knew it (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

The authors state that it is highly difficult for an elder couple to expose themselves and explore their own inner feelings, and I think this will be much more so for elder couples of Asian origin to do the same. Although younger generations are more willing to accept innovative concept, try new things, and understand more about themselves, all of these are very challenging for the elderly because they were brought up to obey and they expect their children to also obey them. It is never too late to improve a relationship, and I think that it takes far more patience, creativity, and persistence from the therapists’ part to help elderly to face their own issues in more repressed cultures.

Ending Therapy

The authors’ hard work for the Brice has finally paid off. They helped the Brice learn to accept their issues and themselves and extended such acceptance to one another; it was gradually clear that the Brice did not need to depend on family therapy to function normally. The Brice went through stormy events before and during their therapy, but through their own willingness and the hard work of their therapists, they finally lived happier and became more independent. The most obvious change was that the Brice did not consider argument a wrong thing to do; it was merely a part of family life (Napier and Whitaker, 1978).

I feel happy and relieved when reading this chapter. Although not all families that have undergone therapy will become better, the Brice truly walked out of their previous problems and lived a much healthier life both physically and mentally, and I do admire the therapists’ talent, instinct, techniques, patience, compassion, and the way they utilized all of these to help the Brice. This book successfully proves the value of family therapy without giving excessive professional jargons, and its narrative style makes it easy for the readers to better understand the importance of family therapy for individuals and the society as a whole.

Forum

In the final chapter of this book, the authors answer questions gathered from experts, students, the audience of their lectures, and people who have read the draft of this book. They explain that the best therapy happens when therapists are able to work with the family system. However, the definition of family is not limited to marital relationships, and even a male student, his roommate and girlfriend, and the teacher who has referred him to therapy together construct a system similar to a family. The authors would not begin a session without the attendance of the entire family, and they prefer to work with them in a neutral environment in order to take the family out of their usual setting. Next, they offer evidence to support their statements that family therapy works better than individual therapy.

I started my counseling internship at a junior college just recently, and although I have learned the value of family therapy, it has been highly challenging for my supervisor and I to even increase the degree of acceptance toward individual therapy among the students. In my culture, it is still uncommon for people to actively seek counseling when they have difficulties, and we have to promote the concept of counseling through activities that appeal to the students. Fortunately, a church-sponsored family therapy workshop is going to be held for the second time, and I look forward to the increasing of interests and recognition for family therapy in my country.

[References]
Napier, A., and C. Whitaker. (1978). The family crucible: The intense experience of family therapy. New York: Harper Perennial.